Often we truly think that we are following our intuition. All signs point to yes. It just feels right. You consulted the cards, runes, I-Ching and it looks good. You checked everything ahead of time only to have it blow up in your face. And doubt about your intuition and who you are as a person begins to creep in. How could your intuition be "wrong"? Well, since intuition is actually never wrong, you most likely stumbled into one of the major intuitive pitfalls. Toxic Familiarity, Hope and Fear Rationalization, or Giving up your Power. Because this is a lot, I'll go through each individually.
Toxic Familiarity
Intuition and emotions are very different and both incredibly powerful. Intuition is a clear knowing about something that you don't yet have all the information about. It seems to come from a higher self and feels like truth. Shaken from our distraction, we look back up at the road the moment before the person in front of us slams on their brakes giving us just enough time to stop.
Emotions are personal reactions to your surroundings based on prior experience, habitual patterns, beliefs about your world, and survival instincts. Someone at work tells a story in hushed tones, everyone laughs, and you feel embarrassed and sad knowing that they must be laughing at you. Intuition isn't personal, but emotions are very personal.
We can easily run into problems when intuition gets confused with familiarity. When something feels familiar, our emotional self lights up. Familiarity often makes us feel safe and comfortable. However, when toxic situations are what is familiar, we are at risk of repeating those encounters because it is known. The unknown can just be too terrifying, even if it might be the more healthy choice. We know our roles and who we are when in an abusive relationship. This is one instance where intuition isn't just clouded, but actively repressed.
I grew up with more than one influential adult who was on the narcissistic spectrum. For most of my life, I have naturally gravitated to and felt an immediate closeness with those who are either narcissists themselves or were raised by a narcissistic parent. Most of these people only brought drama into my life. But they felt so familiar that I could convince myself that our souls were connected. Really, we were just bonded by trauma - either by re-playing the abuse from our childhood or by commiserating and reliving our trauma in the retelling.
By gravitating toward these situations, we deny our intuition because we are so hopeful that by repeating similar experiences from childhood, we will finally get the love we have always longed for, but never felt. The emotional need for love is a core necessity for feeling that you exist and matter in the world. It is the foundation of identifying who we are. This primal longing will override our intuition every time until the original childhood pain and loss is worked through and resolved. It took many years for me to be able to discern between toxic familiarity and my genuine intuition. Even now when I know what is happening and why, I have still had to call in friends to support me in staying away from certain people because of the potency of this toxic familiarity.
Hope and Fear Rationalization
Two of the strongest emotional triggers that cloud our intuition are hope and fear. Buddhists talk about the rollercoaster of hope and fear and how to get off the ride. We run around trying to achieve our hopes while simultaneously avoiding our fears. These highs and lows can become habitual patterns of attachment and avoidance. Interestingly, when examined closely, the two are two sides of the same coin. We hope to find our perfect partner because we are terrified of dying alone. This intense see-saw often keeps us from making authentic choices and clouds our judgement about people or situations.
We hope so much to have a family that we ignore that the partner we chose is completely wrong for us leading to divorce down the line. We are so afraid of repeating an abusive relationship that we stay single to avoid that pain again. Hmmmm... That sounds familiar. Moving right along...
When caught on the unceasing ups and downs of the rollercoaster, we long for and push away with such intensity that we will again override any intuition that is popping up. We will misinterpret clear signs and ignore messages not in alignment with what we hope or fear to experience. Because our minds can rationalize any choice we make, this pitfall can be difficult to spot until after the fact.
Giving Up your Power
Many of us grew up with a strong religious background that heavily influenced our beliefs about ourselves and our personal power. I was raised hearing that if you pray hard enough, God will reward you or that you have to give your problems up to God. These types of sentiments, while comforting for some, also carry an undertone that I am not powerful enough to achieve my dreams or help myself without divine assistance. Or maybe as a young girl, I resented another old, white male telling me what to do...
Regardless of the religion, for centuries, people have abused power in the name of God as a way to fortify their egos to energetically and monetarily feed on others. Cult leader 101 is to convince someone to relinquish all of their personal power to a third party so that they can easily be controlled and manipulated. The pith teaching is, "I no longer believe in or trust myself and must look outside of myself for answers on how to live my life". The same message is also taught in many toxic, abusive relationships.
Those who come from this type of religious indoctrination or abusive relationship run the risk of jumping into another toxic power dynamic. Those that are drawn to the metaphysical world may continue to give up their power by relying on misread messages, perfect planetary alignment, and divination to "tell" them what to do and when to do it. Though it sounds counter-intuitive, some people use the intuitive arts to avoid trusting their own intuition.
When you don't believe in yourself, you are not open to receiving true messages from the universe. And if you do get a message, you have no ability to trust the message. You can read the tarot, but because your intention isn't in alignment with the question, your answer will be muddled or you will ignore the message because it isn't what you want to hear. Yes, there is wisdom in astrology, yes, Mercury retrograde fucks some shit up, but you are the owner of your life and experiences. No matter what you have been told in the past, you are the creator of your world and can relearn how to trust yourself.
Wrap Up
If any of these pitfalls resonates with you as a block to hearing and trusting your intuitive messages, please explore it more in a safe environment. Each of these pitfalls can be understood and later avoided with honest (and often painful) self reflection and vulnerability. When exploring these types of pitfalls it is essential that you are with someone that you trust. If at some point in your process you feel you need to switch therapists, coaches, or healers, trust yourself and do it. The most important thing is that you learn how to trust yourself, connect with your intuition, and keep that shining light within yourself bright for others to enjoy!
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