Leaning into Discomfort

Most of us live our lives aiming for the most comfortable life imaginable. We set our sights on the easiest path and avoid conflict and suffering. We long for relief and to avoid pain. Maybe I can achieve my dreams if only… (insert the biggest source of suffering here). If we had a new job, if we were out of our marriage, if we had a child, if we won the lottery…

Unfortunately, this sets us up to be unhappy with the life we currently have. By relying on outside influences and circumstances to change for our happiness to manifest, we avoid looking within for any solutions. If only THEY change, THEN I can be happy. 

If we look more closely at why we are uncomfortable, we can then begin to identify and let go of the patterns that are holding us back. We are actually the ones keeping ourselves locked in our own personal Groundhog Day. Leaning into discomfort can awaken our individual growth. 

I like to think of this discomfort as a stretch. Similarly to when we stretch our bodies, there is a place of discomfort between pain, like pulling a muscle, and comfort, where we just aren’t getting up off the couch.

If we are too comfortable, then we don’t want anything to change. We stay rigid and stuck in our comfort zone and personal growth becomes a terrifying proposition. We become blind and frozen in our routine and are afraid of anything that might take that security from us. To preserve our position, we may start to build up armor to protect ourselves and use blame to avoid making any effort to change.

If we are in pain, then there is something that is actively preventing us from growing toward our goals. This can be poverty, toxic family, or addiction. This is something you must first escape or overcome before you can make major strides on your journey of personal growth. This is not about blaming others for your situation, but about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in which basic needs (food, shelter, safety) must first be met before moving forward with any self-improvement. 

Finding the Stretch

So if we are in a position where all of our basic needs are met and we are ready to get up off the couch and make a positive change in our life, then we can evaluate where we might find the right stretch. 

For a moment think of the different areas of your life - work, home, family, friends, health, finances. As you sit and consider each of these areas of your life, notice which emotions arise. When you think of your job are you filled with excitement? Do you feel stressed when you think about your financial situation? Do you have some health concerns you want to address before they become problems?

Working in the Stretch

Choose one area that you’d like to explore. Where are the sticky points for creating change? Wherever you find blame, resistance, or worry, look closer. Notice where you currently are in the situation and where you want to be. Determine your direction and take the next steps to getting there.  What is something that right now feels uncomfortable, but would be a step on achieving your goal?

It may be helpful to find new concrete tasks that are easy and manageable. If your finances are a major area of concern, you could start reviewing your bank statement at the end of each month to see where your money is actually going and where you could save. Or start couponing. 

Any new activity is uncomfortable until we master it. Babies learn to walk by falling down ALOT! If you set the intention to master the new skill, then apply patience and know that you will need to do it several times before getting the hang of it. And if you need to, ask for help! You may be able to save yourself alot of time and energy by talking with someone who has done it before. Even if that person is on YouTube!

Whether it is a new experience, new information, or a new attitude, growth can only happen with some kind of change. Here in the stretch is the place where growth happens. It is the sweet spot for our personal evolution and empowerment. 

Whether striding or stumbling, remember that you are still moving forward. Congratulate yourself. Every journey begins with one step. You’ve got this!

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